I Am (Ex 1-3)

God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” God also said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites, ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.’ “This is my name forever, the name you shall call me from generation to generation.
Exodus 3:14-15


I remember when I was in middle school English class and the teacher taught us to write I Am poems. The first line begins with "I am" and you fill in the rest, a terrible prospect for a middle school preteen. Each line of the poem begins with verbs like "I wonder, I hear, I want, I pretend, I feel" and so on... but at the end of each stanza it returns to "I am."  


I am a seventh grade boy
I wonder what everyone thinks about me
I hear the annoying voice of my teacher
I want the bell to ring
I am a seventh grade boy


Most who know me today would never describe me as insecure, but at that time of my life and for many years after I was... terribly insecure. As I look back, I understand that I was in search of myself, always afraid that I wouldn't liked. A little to fat, a few to many pimples, not enough athletic prowess, one could go on and on. My sense of self was being formed and reformed by my daily experience of myself and others... ok lets be honest, mostly by others.  


I pretend I am confident
I feel uneasy
I touch my nerdy saxophone case
I worry about standing up to read this poem
I am a seventh grade boy


Names are funny things. Ever hear a name and cringe because someone else with that name comes to mind? One of my litmus tests in naming are children was to ask "how will a seventh grader make fun of this name" (wow, ironic... my personal issues must really be surfacing in this post). But seriously,  with each of our children we chose names based on what we wanted to speak over their lives. Gabriel (Hebrew for God's mighty man and a pretty famous angel) wasn't breathing when he was born at a whopping 5lbs. The nurses said he pulled of the biggest bounce back they had ever seen.  Neriyah (Hebrew for God's burning lamp) was predicted to have Downs Syndrome. Michelle and I decided that whatever her mental capacity would be, we wanted her to always know she was a burning lamp of God. The doctor told me five minutes after her birth "She has Downs, I'm 99% sure." Neriyah proved to be the 1%. We don't get to chose our name, or our family of origin, or the place we are born and socio economic level. However we do get to chose who we become, how we introduce ourselves to the world. How do you introduce yourself?     


I understand only today
I say whatever I think will draw attention
I dream of being older
I try to fit in
I hope to be important
I am a seventh grade boy


Moses (Hebrew for the one drawn out) was terribly insecure, down right afraid. Forty years of his life was spent running away. But God is patient, working with Moses, molding him into the most humble men in the world (Numbers 12) so that he could do great things. When God finally introduces himself to Moses, and to the world, he gives him only this name; "I AM that I AM." I mean really, who names themselves a verb? Hi my name is "jump" or "swim." When we really reflect on God's name, I AM, it is what goes with it that matters. The Hebrew scripture is full of these names for God... I am - provider, I am - most high, I am - healer, I am - peace, I am - sanctifier, I am - shepherd, I am - with you. What God was really saying in his introduction to Moses is the exact same thing Jesus said as he left the disciples, "I am with you always." 


I AM
I wonder about nothing
I hear everything 
I want you to know that I love you
I AM 


Who are you? How is God inviting you to know his name? Who is God calling to to be, and what is he calling you to do? May we become like Moses, cowards who become the most humble people God will use to change the world...


I am Jeremey
I wonder how God is molding my faults for his purpose
I hear a broken world in need 
I want to be more like Jesus
I am Jeremey  


In Jesus' Name
Amen

Reading Plan for Week 7 

March 20th - Worship

March 21st - Exodus 4-6

March 22nd - Exodus 7-9

March 23rd - Exodus 10-12

March 24th - Exodus 13--15

March 25th - Exodus 16-18

March 26th - Exodus 19-20

Choosing Comfort (Gen 46-47)

I wrote this post yesterday and it mysteriously disappeared into cyberspace... So here we go again


Now the Israelites settled in Egypt in the region of Goshen. They acquired property there and were fruitful and increased greatly in number. Jacob lived in Egypt seventeen years, and the years of his life were a hundred and forty-seven.Genesis 47:27-28

I took my daughter for a walk in the park yesterday. We watched the ducks, which she learned to say for the first time, and walked through the trees and on the green grass. (By the way, for those of you far away, the color green is a rarity here. We specialize in cement gray). Neriyah fell asleep in her stroller and I found a quiet bench near a beautiful tree blossoming with the most striking pink shoots. I read and prayed. I felt like God gave me just a small breather in the middle of a challenging storm of circumstance. I was comfortable.

There is something to be said for the small moments of comfort. just a little bit can ease the worry and remind us that God is God and that even though all might not be right with the world, he is still in charge and still with us. I makes me think about Jacob in his old age.

God had used the evil act of Josephs brothers to make the way for his family to be saved from a seven year famine. On the way to Egypt, while riding in comfortable carts, wearing more comfortable clothes than they had before, and eating provisions from the comfort of Egypt Jacob stops to worship. God appears to him in a vision and reminds him of his promise. God tells Jacob that he will make him a great nation in Egypt and bring him back from there to the promised land.

The promised land was uncomfortable, Egypt was not. Joseph was a "big deal" and so his family had the choice of the land. They settled and owned land. Now if God prepared all these events to protect Israel from the famine, and that famine was seven years long, and they entered Egypt two years into the famine.... why didn't they leave after five years? Comfort.

You can have too much of a good thing. While I know God worked out a great gig for them in Egypt, I can't help but wonder... Shouldn't they have left when the famine was over? For that matter shouldn't Joseph have said to pharaoh, "thanks for everything, i have a promise to get back to?" Later, it would take slavery to dislodge the nation of Israel from their comfort.

When I worked at Vanguard University, I was very comfortable. No rent, utilities, laundry, internet bills. Three square meals with fresh fruits and vegetables for my family provided by the cafe at no cost. Oh and did I mention I had a parking space. I was very very comfortable, but it was a rest stop, a time of preparation for the work ahead. Not unlike my bench in the park. God gave me space to get me ready. If I would have settled down there I would have missed the joy and purpose found in the discomfort of launching Radiant Church.

Are you comfortable now? Thank God for the gift? Where is God calling us to greater purposes that may involve discomfort? May we have the courage to embrace them and not get stuck in the temporary comforts.

In Jesus' Name
Amen

Reading Schedule

Week 7 

March 20th - Worship

March 21st - Exodus 4-6

March 22nd - Exodus 7-9

March 23rd - Exodus 10-12

March 24th - Exodus 13--15

March 25th - Exodus 16-18

March 26th - Exodus 19-20

Learning Your Lesson (Gen 43-45)

"Now then, please let your servant remain here as my lord’s slave in place of the boy, and let the boy return with his brothers. How can I go back to my father if the boy is not with me? No! Do not let me see the misery that would come on my father.”
Genesis 44:33-34


I've never thought of myself as a stubborn person. In fact, I've always prided myself on being "teachable," and maybe "prided" is the key word. Just under the teachable surface, pride boils and stirs. It calls out for self sufficiency and keeps us from seeing ourselves in a true light. Its twin brother, insecurity, often masquerades wearing the same clothes but all the while fearing that the truth would be uncovered. In short, my "teachable" posture can sometimes be just another arena for pride and insecurity to play their games. 


What I mean to say is, how do I really learn my lessons, grow and mature in life and faith. I've found that the more I try to mature, the more I wrestle with pride and insecurity. It occurs to me that maybe all God is asking of me is that I would invite him to teach me, to pull back the costumes dawned by pride and insecurity and show me my honest self. As we walk through trials, both self inflicted and the product of circumstance, we may not understand that God is teaching us a lesson. I have noticed that I usually don't know that I've learned it until a similar circumstance arises much later and I able to look back and draw wisdom or endurance from my former experience. I believe the greatest mark of growth is to trust and embrace that God may be teaching you a lesson in the midst of a given situation even when you have no idea what it is or your outcome will be.


Judah wasn't the oldest brother in Joseph's family, but he was the teachable one. Rueben, the oldest, should have been the one to stand up for his family but couldn't. Long before he had shamed himself by not standing up for his little brother Joseph. While he saved Joseph's life by suggesting that his brothers throw him in a cistern rather than kill him, he didn't boldly say; "No, I am the eldest and we are not doing this!" His plan was to rescue Joseph in secret. Even earlier he had shamed himself by sleeping with his fathers concubine. Rueben hadn't learned much. Judah on the other hand, had been the one to suggest slavery for Joseph, a fate almost worse than death. He had been outwitted by Tamar into giving her a son, but he had learned. Now when his family was on the line, he knew what was right, he understood how he had failed, and he acted with honor. 


What are the lessons God is teaching us today that will have a great impact on tomorrow? Are we open to God's revealing love? His shaping and molding of our character? May we be blessed to learn our lessons from God.


In Jesus' Name,
Amen